The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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