Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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