I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
