remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
