is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
