I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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