ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
