lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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