have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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