perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
