Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
