end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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