Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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