see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
