I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
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