I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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