This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
