there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
