Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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