My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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