Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
