my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
