so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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