I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
