I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
