i permit you to call me
someone get that fucking seahorse.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
