i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
