I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
