saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
