Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
