So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
