You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
