I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
it's like iHOP with fire
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
