you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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