we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
worst night to have a conscience
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
