OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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