If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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