So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
