Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
