She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We need to get me chipped asap
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
