so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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