I want to have your abortion
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
