So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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