I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
