It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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