How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
