He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
