my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
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They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
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I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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