My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
