yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
