i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
