girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
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why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
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I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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