finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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