Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
