Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
