I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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