omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
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we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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