You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I love having hate sex.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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