The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Randomize
