I think I am morally bankrupt
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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