The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
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he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
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Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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