Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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