There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
