hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
