There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Still dying that you shit outside
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
