its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
