I queefed so loud it echoed.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
