Just fell off a train. Bad.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
