She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
