I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
