Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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