Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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