operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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