i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
