Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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